Today is the first day of Muharram 1432 Hijri, and this year is the year that i set my pray for the first day of 1432. Yeah, i never set my prayers and never wish anything for 22 years (Gregorian) in my life. This is because i never put any wish on this day. Am always wishing something and put my goals on the Gregorian calendar. Never mind about this. I hope i could wish this day to all but i think its better i shut my mouth for sometimes. I celebrate Eid like other day. So shall i treat today like i treat to Eid.
Thinking back to those days of the old me. I never think that i could live until today. I never thought I could write this today. Pulling those memories hurting me. I think i should put it in a box and wrap it with a newspaper and then i dig a hole, put the box in the hole and fill the hole with cement. My thought fill with the sin that i have done. The future still blur in my eyes. I have the sight but i do not have the vision yet. Yeah, I'm really in a fuck-up situation. Jeez if i could turn back time and do some damage to myself or repair it because i know if i do some damage, I could just go out so easily. At the end my life is just too empty right now.
I really should go out more often, see the view, breath fresh air and read more books. Talk to strangers, to be friend with them and expand my network. Yet that is hard work. Wake up in the morning, that is hard work. Damn my friend is talking about the army. They telling about stuff what will happen in the army. The ragging and the hell that it will gave to you. Shit! Shit! Waking up in the morning its hard work. But if I'm in the army, I'm gonna kill myself. Its like signing up my name at the undertaker.
But i really have to build up my mental right now. I only got 2 weeks to be ready mentally and physically. The physical can be alter right away but does my head ready for this thing?
Its a question that i should answer when i got there.. LoL
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